Why Are Boundaries So Difficult to Set and Maintain?
By Vic LeBouthillier
“Our inability to create boundaries comes mostly from the lack of healthy modeling provided by our parents/caregivers when we were children.”
How is it that some people have healthy boundaries, while most people struggle with them? Well, there are two main reasons for this.
1. SETTING BOUNDARIES WAS NOT TAUGHT TO YOU AS A CHILD
Our inability to create boundaries comes mostly from the lack of healthy modeling provided by our parents/caregivers when we were children. If you were not taught these valuable skills as a kid, then you need to be taught as an adult.
The good news is that you can learn these skills with time and dedication. Advances in behavioral health are helping many people who were not taught about boundaries as children to successfully learn them as adults. People who have learned the skills to set boundaries as adults say that their new boundaries have enhanced their mental health and reduced their stress.
2. YOU DON’T FEEL WORTHY TO RECEIVE WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU
People who have experienced adverse childhood experiences (or ACEs), can be susceptible to low self-worth. This can result in feeling that they do not deserve to speak out and ask for what is important to them. But because each person actually does have tremendous value, the first step for these people is to become aware of their unidentified value. This is perhaps one of the most exciting personal adventures a person can experience and it certainly should not be feared. As self-worth increases, people find it easier to develop a voice, which helps them with the ability to ask for what they want.